| and I didn't write this so it doesn't count as coming out of retirement, but I wish I did write it 4LIF. Ahh the story of my life.
Stolen from ask.metafilter.
First, I realize this is sensitive issue, but any feedback would be
appreciated (although that might be difficult since responses can't be
anonymous).
First, some background. I lived the first 27 years of my life assuming
that pooping would take 20-30 minutes and afterwards my butt would be
dirty. We're talking really dirty. It would take maybe 1-3 minutes of
wiping to clean things up. This might not sound terrible, but the point
was that I could _always_ wipe more. There was no point at which the
toilet paper would be completely clean. I hated this situation, but I
assumed everyone lived like this and I was too embarrassed to mention
it to anyone. However, I was more open with my second girlfriend .The
subject was broached when I asked her eating habits after noticing
(what I thought were) incredibly short bathroom trips. This led to me
watching my diet more carefully and finally realizing that I was
lactose intolerant. I also discovered the wonders of psyllium husk.
Since then pooping has gone from something I dreaded to something I
look forward to and actually enjoy. I feel "empty" when I'm done. And I
usually wipe completely cleanly (I mean I wipe once to make sure, but
most of the time it's completely clean). I'm also usually in the
bathroom for less than five minutes, as opposed to a half hour.
Occasionally things won't work this well, but that's an abberation.
Now there seem to be two possibilities. One is that this story is
unique and most people are not walking around with mudbutt, assuming
they don't shower immediately after a dirty poop. I hope this is the
case. The other is that many people are living how I used to live. I
realize there are obviously personal variations, but I wonder what you
experience personally or what you believe is normal or common.
To clarify: When I say a poop is "complete", I mean I feel "empty" and
done afterwards and I rarely have to wipe more than once or twice.
When I say a poop is "incomplete", I mean I could keep wiping forever
and the toilet paper would still be dirty (from the anus, not the
cheeks). Wiping at this point is mainly to get poop off your ass while
acknowledging that nothing can really be done about the poop that keeps
coming out. I suppose showering would be one solution to this.
I've noticed a few things that have led me to believe a large amount of people are walking around with mudbutt.
1) The prevalence of bathroom reading materials. In movies and on TV
people are always reading in the bathroom. I can't imagine having the
time to read anything these days, although before my poop habits
changed I could probably have read a novel in a sitting. Assuming
length of time sitting corresponds with dirty/"incomplete" poops (does
it?), this seems to suggest that people who find reading in the
bathroom normal are more likely to have dirty butts.
2) Sheryl Crow recently said that one or two squares of toilet paper
should be sufficient. This led to a wave of ridicule (ie, Jay Leno:
"Remind me not to shake her hand!"). But ridiculing her seems to
suggest that people use way more than one or two squares, which should
not be the case if their poops are "complete".
3) I've spoken to women (obviously I don't think all women are the
same) who have talked about being mortified about farting in public
bathrooms. Men's bathrooms seem to smell much more and women seem to
not take as long when pooping. These are gross generalizations, but I
wonder if length of time in the bathroom and smell correspond with
"incomplete" shits and on average, men have mudbutt more often than
women.
4) I recently mentioned an "invisible shit" I had to a friend since it
was such a rare occurance. By "invisible shit" I meant that I had taken
a poop, but it has disappeared into the bowl and when I looked down, I
could see nothing in the toilet. He thought I was talking about not
having to wipe, where an "invisible shit" meant that nothing was on the
toilet paper after pooping. Since he found this to be an extremely rare
occurance, that suggests that he often has "incomplete" poops.
I'd be interested if complete/incomplete was actually something other
people experienced or just something I made up, and what other people's
normal habits are.
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| Shouldn't it be called a unihorn instead? geez
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| ... but isn't it about time they (the man) got rid of indigo as a color. Of all
the colors in the rainbow, wtf is indigo? The indigo marketing group
totally failed on that one. Maybe it makes the mnemonic too hard for the kids to learn. ROY G BVHTH |
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